Opium Mirage

Your matte black curly hair is all I can see

When you turn your back at me

When you are mad at me

I surely do deserve it

This silence

My own infatuated silence

It surely hurts me

When I can’t see your lips move

Your iris growing darker

And your beautiful nose flare

Call me masochistic

But I love this pain more than love itself

It’s the only true feeling that I can feel

Hating you makes my heart beat faster

And realising that you hate me too

Only makes it stop and jump out

Wish I could hate you more

I know that you are not meant for me

And knowing that gives me shivers

Every time I realise this truth

Of you being the opposite of what I want

Also gives me a certain delight

For I believe that opposites attract

What a fool I am to believe in such illusions

I like it more

This despair

With each passing day

This despair

It disappears and then reappears again

With more passion each time

Making the insides of my stomach churn

As if butterflies live there

Chasing you is more delightful

For I know I will forget you like a second passed in silence

Once you say yes

I know I cannot handle being attached to someone forever

Only unfulfilled love is truly real for me

I am not sure if I am in love with you

But I like the idea of us doing things together

Like holding you close to me

Feeling your shoulders wrapped by my arms

Whispering cadences in your ears

Getting intoxicated by the aroma of your sweaty wet hair

I like the idea of us on a Sunday afternoon

Watching you standing half naked near a window with

Pure warm sunlight filling your body

As I paint a portrait of you

The scent of turpentine moving us from the inside

Both of us restraining ourselves

Both of us enjoying this restrain

Suddenly I come back to the present

I cannot see your face so

I look at your curly matte black hair

The hair that covers everything between us

Like a door

Let it be shut

In your memory I will perhaps write a melody someday

But for now these scribbles I call poems are for you

Sometimes

It’s only sometimes though

That there are days when I completely forget you

I completely forget the intensity that you bring with your presence

And then something happens

You look at me

Something in your eyes that I see

And then

The full stops turn to comas

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